i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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