sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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