Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
