3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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