The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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