Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have aggressive nipples.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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