the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
