Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
