remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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