That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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