The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize