I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
