I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
