she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
