I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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