Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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