I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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