this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
