I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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