Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize