and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Drunk is a universal language darling
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