jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
