i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
