Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
