Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
stop calling my apartment porn island.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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