"it" just moved
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He shit in the fireplace
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
