dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
