Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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