i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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