Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
