if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
