I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
