...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
