I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
