Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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