my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
