saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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