you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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