Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
