I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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