sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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