somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
