I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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