And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
