I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Ketchup is God's man juice
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
