He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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