Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
