Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
