i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize