Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
