between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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