if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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