just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
