My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
