Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
