you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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