yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
