Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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