the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize