It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Girls should come with a carfax report
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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