I love black thongs
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
