I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
