True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
