apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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