smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
