PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
