So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
